Super Hotties Need Love, Too

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Bar Refaeli and Jennifer Love Hewitt — These women have a few things in common.

1. They’re famous.

2. They’re both hotter than a California wildfire.

3. They say they never get hit on or asked out.

What!?!

I’m seriously starting to lose faith in my fellow males.

Look, I get it. These women are extremely gorgeous and no man likes rejection. Still, I don’t remember where I heard it first, but there’s a saying I’ve been using for most of my life:

Closed mouths don’t get fed.

Closed mouths are also making at least two gorgeous women sad and lonely.

Bar Refaeli recently told Conan O’Brien, “No one hits on me. No one flirts with me. It’s very sad, actually.”

Hewitt said in a Maxim article a few months ago, “It might sound so stupid, but guys do not hit on me. I’m not really sure why, but it’s very rare …”

Hell, even singer Neko Case (who, in my opinion, isn’t as hot as Rafaeli or Hewitt — but I’d still tap dat @$$) complained on Twitter that “ladies in bands don’t get ANY action,” a statement that singer Michelle Branch (yeah, I’d hit that, too) and a few other women in music backed up.

It’s time to give these ladies some action. Show a little game, and the lucky man could be you.

To all my single fellas out there, don’t settle for less. In a non-stalker way, find Bar Refaeli or Hewitt and do both them and yourselves a favor: Hit on them.

After all, super hotties need love, too. Maybe yours.

Which President Should Be On Mt Rushmore?

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Mt Rushmore is one of the most famous memorials in the U.S. You often hear about adding another president’s dome piece to this famed sculpture, but which president should be on Mt Rushmore? Whether because of political beliefs or just to get a conversation going.

It really is a great way to spark a debate.  Everyone has their favorite president and reasons they believe which president should be on Mt Rushmore.

Which President Should Be On Mt Rushmore?

Here are a few names that I have heard:

Barack Obama

Yeah, yeah, yeah…  I know he is the current president and some of you readers might have voted for him or against him, but you have to realize he was a giant step for this country.

Fifty years ago there was no way an African American could have become the president.  Maybe we add his face due to the progress we have made as a country?  I don’t think that this is a crazy thought at all.

Ronald Reagan

If it was up to conservative voters, this man would have been the king of the U.S.  He made Mr. Gorbachev tear down a wall and some people still believe he was one of the greatest leaders this country has ever had.  Does he win this one for the Gipper?

John F. Kennedy

You don’t remember where you were every day of your life. If you ask anyone where they were when they found out Kennedy had been shot, they can tell you a fully detailed story.  He was inspirational not only as a president, but the dude had Jackie as his first lady and Marilyn Monroe on the side.  ON THE SIDE!!!

Seriously, Kennedy did more for a nation in two years then a lot of presidents have done in eight.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

FDR held the office the longest and also guided us through World War II.  Can you have two Roosevelts on Mt Rushmore?  Always a possibility. He also died in office, so there’s no telling what else he could have accomplished. Maybe the question shouldn’t be “Which president should be on Mt Rushmore,” but instead, “Which Roosevelt should be on Mt Rushmore?”

Bill Clinton

I have always been a big fan.  I don’t care about his infidelity.  I do care that when he was in charge, our country was in a pretty awesome place economically.  It really was a great time to be an American.

So, which president should be on Mt Rushmore?  Who’s face would you hypothetically like to see up there?  I think John Adams is the Rodney Dangerfield of presidents. He gets no respect!  I think I would vote for JFK, though.  Maybe simply make a Mt. Change and add these five presidents to it? Let me know what you think!

Cardboard Combat: 1975 Topps Vicente Romo vs. 1993 TSC Oscar Azocar

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1975 Topps Vicente Romo vs. 1993 Topps Stadium Club Oscar Azocar

After my last Cardboard Combat, I’m sure of one thing: People are still scared to hell of Lew Burdette, even though he died a few years ago.

How else do you explain Burdette’s dominant win over Jerry “Justin Bieber’s Dad” Reuss? Burdette always will be absolutely terrifying! Alright, who’s on tap this week?!

1975 Topps Vicente Romo

I’m not entirely sure what Vicente is trying to do here. Is that his pitching follow-through or is it his Frankenstein impression? Does Vicente know a secret for curing constipation? It’s all very confusing.

What I do know is that this isn’t the first time Vicente’s been caught in the act. I’m also a little curious as to why Vicente has a red collared shirt on underneath his uniform. Does he have an important business meeting to attend following the photo shoot? Hey Romo… the color red kind of clashes with brown and yellow. That dude in the dugout has an awesome view of Vicente’s ass, though. Great choice of seats.

Key stats: Enjoys chasing little children around while doing his Frankenstein impression; nicknamed ‘Huevo,’ which of course means egg in Spanish; revolutionary fashion sense; disappeared from the major leagues in 1975 and didn’t return until 1981 (he was apparently playing in Mexico); invented the Stand-up Kegel exercise.

1993 Topps Stadium Club Oscar Azocar

Nothing to see here, ladies and gentlemen. Just a Latino man making love to his baseball bat. I could take the low road and make joke after joke about how Oscar loves to cuddle up with hard wood, but that would be too easy.

Instead, I’m going to take a more literal approach. What if Oscar Azocar really did love his bat? You always hear stories about those “interesting” people who fall in love with inanimate objects rather than other human beings. Perhaps Oscar fell deeply in love with his baseball bat and just wanted to show the world that he was comfortable with that.

What’s that you say? Oscar posted a career batting average of just .226 over 202 games? Oh, well then I don’t know what the fu*k he’s doing with that bat. Maybe he just does love to stroke hard wood.

Key stats: Took him 100 major league at-bats to draw first walk; wears a damn good mustache; was his own agent; has extremely soft, supple hands; laughs in the face of splinters; some truth to the rumor that he was a dendrophiliac.

It’s Padre vs. Padre, and 1975 Topps vs. 1993 Topps Stadium Club this week. Who ya got?

23 People You Didn’t Know Came From SNL

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They Came From SNL

With 40 seasons under Saturday Night Live’s belt, scores of comedic actors and actresses that came from SNL over the past half-century owe the sketch show for much of their success.

In spite of the ever-present argument that “it’s just not funny anymore,” which has been said every year since the late ‘70s, SNL has turned out some amazing talent.

Below are nearly two dozen people who came from SNL that you might not have realized. Whether these people just didn’t work out on the show, or they were relatively hidden because of bigger talent at the time, there’s no doubt they became successful in other avenues afterward.

23 People You Didn’t Know Came From SNL

These 23 people might not have been big names/faces on Saturday Night Live during their tenure, but they have to give the show some credit for their success — which most of them do. 

Dave Attell (1993-94)

One of the best stand-up comedians in the past 20 years, Attel hasn’t really been able to break into the mainstream much. He became a writer and part-time performer on SNL before becoming concentrating on his standup career. Then he few years with The Daily Show, when Jon Stewart first took over. Finally, he hosted Insomniac with Dave Attell on Comedy Central from 2001 to 2004.

Larry David (1984-85)

It makes even more sense now that David and Julia Louis-Dreyfus ended up working together again later on after their tenure at SNL at the same time. David, the co-creator of Seinfeld, was only able to get one sketch on the air – and even that made it on at 12:50am, the last time slot. One of my favorite SNL stories – Larry David was so sick of not getting sketches on the air that he ended up quitting midseason, only to show up back to work a few days later acting like nothing happened. That incident actually inspired an episode on “Seinfeld,” where George Costanza quits his job, but decides to return like nothing happened (“The Revenge”).

Larry David and J.B. Smoove Came From SNL

Two decades apart, both Larry David and J.B. Smoove were writers for Saturday Night Live.

Robert Downey, Jr. (1985-86)

Despite being on SNL for an entire season, Iron Man really isn’t known for much of a presence on the show. Along with Anthony Michael Hall, the two young guys from “Weird Science” were just out of their element. After a successful early career as part of the Brat Pack, then a ton of drug problems, Downey has rebounded quite well with Marvel’s Iron Man — easily one of the highest grossing characters in film history.

Gilbert Gottfried (1980-81)

The former AFLAC Duck voice was in 12 episodes to start the 1980s, but his presence at SNL was forgettable at best. To this day, his best work might have been as Iago the Parrot on Disney’s “Aladdin.”

Christopher Guest (1984-85)

While you might not recognize the name, Guest is more famous for directing several movies involving a repertory group, consisting of Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara, Michael McKean, Parker Posey, Jane Lynch, Jennifer Coolidge, Harry Shearer and several others. Some of his more notable movies included “Best in Show,” “This is Spinal Tap,” and “A Mighty Wind.” My favorite line was when he played Frankie on SNL, “I hate when that happens.”

Steve Higgins (1995-present)

We know Higgins as Jimmy Fallon’s sidekick from Late Night and now The Tonight Show, but he was a co-head writers on SNL for a couple seasons, and still writes for them to this day — while continuing his duties for Fallon. Michael Schur, a former SNL writer and a co-creator for Parks and Recreation, said in an interview with The A.V. Club that Higgins was the inspiration for the Parks and Rec character Andy.

Mike Judge (1991-94)

Judge is famous for creating TV shows Beavis and Butt-head and King of the Hill, as well as the movie, “Office Space.” That movie, in fact, was based on his cartoon, Milton, which also came from SNL, as a short back in the early ‘90s. He also created the new hit HBO show, Silicon Valley. Did you know he was a programmer for the F-18 fighter jet back in the late ‘80s?

Mindy Kaling (2005)

While Kaling wrote for just one episode in April of 2006, we’re still counting her! She went on to be the annoying Kelly Kapoor in The Office, and finally, she parlayed that into her own show on Fox, The Mindy Project. On a side note, one of my favorite characters on TV right now is Morgan, the male nurse, played by Ike Barinholtz, who used to be on Madtv.

Before her role as Kelly Kapoor and then starring in "The Mindy Project," Mindy Kaling was a writer on SNL.

Before her role as Kelly Kapoor and then starring in “The Mindy Project,” Mindy Kaling was a writer on SNL.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus (1982-85)

Well before she was judging if guys were sponge-worthy or serving as the Vice President, JLD was working with Eddie Murphy, Billy Crystal and Jim Belushi on Saturday Night Live in the early ‘80s. Heck, she even married another SNL cast alum in Brad Hall. Until Abby Elliott broke the record in 2008, Louis-Dreyfus was the youngest female cast member ever hired, which explains why she’s still relevant (and hot) today.

Adam McKay (1995-2001)

You might not know the face or the name, but McKay happens to work as Will Ferrell’s writing partner. They worked together on SNL, and then they wrote movies like, “Talladega Nights,” “Anchorman” and “Step Brothers.” He was an SNL head writer for a couple years, just before Tina Fey became the head writer.

Laurie Metcalf (1981)

Roseanne’s sister on the show appeared in a Weekend Update piece, but that was about it, then the cast was essentially redone for the next season.

Anthony Michael Hall (1985-86)

Along with Robert Downey Jr., AMH was one of the new cast members in the mid-‘80s that just didn’t work out. Strangely, getting on SNL seemed to be mark the end of his success, rather than the beginning of it, like mostly everyone else. At 17 years old, he was the youngest SNL cast member ever, and he came to the show after finding success in “National Lampoon’s Vacation,” “Weird Science,” “The Breakfast Club” and “Sixteen Candles.” He has done a lot in his later years, including playing Bill Gates in a movie and starring in The Dead Zone TV show, but nothing was as good as his John Hughes’ films.

Robert Downey Jr. and Anthony Michael Hall Came From SNL

Dennis Miller with Robert Downey Jr. and Anthony Michael Hall in the mid-’80s on Weekend Update.

John Mulaney (2009-12)

As a writer on SNL for four seasons, you might not recognize him or his name (he co-wrote the character Stefon with Bill Hader). But he has actually done some pretty awesome stand-up concerts in the past five years. If you get a chance, listen to his bit on “The Best Meal I’ve Ever Had.” Apparently, he’s going to be the main character of a show on Fox this coming fall.

Conan O’Brien (1987-1991)

Conan O'Brien Came From SNL

A young Conan O’Brien helps Tom Hanks put on his “Five-Timers Club” jacket.

During some of the Phil Hartman years, O’Brien served as one of the team’s writers, fresh out of Harvard. He later moved on to be a writer and producer for The Simpsons for a couple years before being tabbed to replace David Letterman on Late Night. Choosing the relatively unknown O’Brien (especially as an on-camera host) to replace Letterman still has to rank as one of the ballsiest executive moves in network history. One of my favorite Conan SNL moments was when he served as the doorman to the “Five-Timers Club,” when Tom Hanks hosted for the fifth time.

Catherine O’Hara (1981)

Mostly known as Kevin’s forgetful mom from “Home Alone,” and for her roles in Christopher Guest’s mockumentaries, O’Hara was actually a great sketch actress from SCTV, which was basically Canada’s SNL. Interestingly, O’Hara never appeared on SNL, as she quit once SCTV got a deal with NBC.

Bob Odenkirk (1987-1991)

It’s amazing to think that those late ‘80s years were really considered bad SNL years, when you realize they had some great cast members, along with Odenkirk and Conan O’Brien as writers. He went on to Mr. Show, and finally, he played chatty lawyer Saul Goodman on Breaking Bad, considered one of the best dramas in TV history. That character is spinning off into his own show, Better Call Saul, this fall. While he wrote for nearly half a decade on SNL, but his greatest contribution might have been the Matt Foley sketch he wrote for Chris Farley.

Rob Riggle (2004-05)

You might know him better for his time spent as a correspondent on The Daily Show or as the resident crazy comedian on the Fox NFL Sunday pregame show. I’ve always loved this guy and just wished someone could create a vehicle for him. My favorite Riggle line probably comes from when he played a cop in “The Hangover,” when he said, “In the faaaaace!!!”

David Sanborn (1975, 1979-80)

While Sanborn might not be considered one of the funniest people on SNL ever, he could be considered one of the most talented. After leaving the SNL band, he would become one of the most influential saxophone players of his time.

Paul Shaffer (1975-80)

Speaking of music, Shaffer played the piano for the SNL house band for the first five seasons of the show’s existence. Then he went on to serve as the band leader for Late Night with David Letterman, and then The Late Show with David Letterman”at CBS. He was noticeably absent from the film “The Blues Brothers,” which starred fellow SNL alums John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd, and several SNL band members. Apparently, he was working on a project with Gilda Radner, and Belushi dumped him from “The Blues Brothers.”

Sarah Silverman (1993-94)

This is definitely one of those situations I’d love to see SNL get a do-over with, just to see Silverman in more sketches. Granted, she was a writer and a featured player, yet she only got one sketch to dress rehearsal and none to air. Not a great track record. Yet, I feel like she could have held her own later in that decade with SNL women, like Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon and Tina Fey. Silverman might not have been a great character actress, but she’s magnetic on screen. And hot. And funny.

I would also like to submit to you that the 1993 SNL season had to be one of the most star-stacked seasons in its 40-year history. Here are some of the more notable names that were either performers or writers from that season:

Dave Attel and Sarah Silverman came from SNL

Dave Attel and Sarah Silverman were just a few future stars on that 1993 SNL staff.

  • Dave Attel
  • Chris Farley
  • Phil Hartman
  • Michael McKean
  • Tim Meadows
  • Mike Myers
  • Kevin Nealon
  • Bob Odenkirk
  • Adam Sandler
  • Rob Schneider
  • David Spade
  • Al Franken
  • Norm MacDonald
  • Jay Mohr
  • Sarah Silverman

J.B. Smoove (2003-05)

Smoove has been a regular cast member on Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, where he played Leon Black.  He worked as a writer on SNL for three seasons. His standup was not nearly as good as some of the characters he plays, which is ironic, because now he’s going to be the host on Last Comic Standing.

Ben Stiller (1989)

Stiller worked as a writer/performer, but his intent was to create short films for the show, which they didn’t want him to do. Then he moved on to The Ben Stiller Show on MTV, and then another show with the same name on Fox the year after. That show had Judd Apatow as one of the writers, also. It’s weird to think these guys could go through so many failures before hitting it huge. Stiller could have been the Andy Samberg for SNL with short films in the early ‘90s.

Damon Wayans (1985-86)

Struggling to get his characters and skits on the air, Wayans chose to play a background character (a cop) in one skit as flamboyantly gay. And since improvisation is one of the worst things you can do in a sketch show with less than a week of preparation, Lorne Michaels let him go. He later created In Living Color, which has to rank up there with one of the greatest sketch shows in TV history, and Wayans proved, after all, that his characters and sketches were funny.

I’m sure there were a few people on this list you knew were from SNL, but you have to understand how I had to sell the article to you, right? Without question, Saturday Night Live continues to be where we cultivate the funniest and most talented people on television. I’m looking forward to the next 20 years of the show, to see who Lorne Michaels’ castoffs end up becoming!

Teen Mom Drama

I’m pretty sure I haven’t mentioned this yet as it is one of my more embarrassing attributes, but I am the biggest reality TV whore around. From Real World to Whale Wars and everything in between, I’m hooked.

Side Note: On my most recent trip to the OB/GYN, the pap-smear showed no abnormalities.

“Teen Mom” is hands down my favorite of the bunch though. Just an absolute shit show of rednecks and terrible parenting. If I had my way, we would follow these bitches until they began collecting social security.

Teen Mom Drama Recap (June, 2012):

Maci

While makeup does a great job of reducing the redness associated with acne, it does nothing to reduce the size of the small hill on your face. Maci hasn’t figured this out yet.

ESPN has reported that the third stage of the Tour De France will traverse Maci’s chin. That being said, she has no business being on this show. She actually has her priorities straight, which as far as I’m concerned, is a reality show killer.

Catelynn

Speaking of having no business being on the show, Catelynn still doesn’t have a kid. Her boyfriend, whose name I haven’t cared enough to learn, looks like he’s in Sandusky’s target age range and Catelynn looks like she just discovered deep fried twinkies. That being said, all these bitches should have chosen adoption.

Farrah

Teen Mom 2 has the best grandmother (Barbara), but Debra is a close second. Farrah and Debra have collectively spent the GDP of Ireland on counseling, yet still communicate to each other through baby-talk. Farrah shockingly makes a responsibly irresponsible decision by taking the kiddo with her to Florida, even though it’s clear she has no interest in anything other than tanning and implants (the expense of choice for teen moms).

Also, if there is one thing I have truly missed about Farrah it is her cry. Her brilliantly hideous cry.

As I often take pleasure in going to the bar and spewing insults at self-conscious women, I have seen a few girls cry before. Ladies, meet your Queen. Easily the worst cry in the history of tear ducts.

Amber:

From what I understand, Amber and Gary have a “No Contact Order” in place, which apparently means they have to hate each other, but can still talk on the phone and yell at each other in person. Amber pleas to Domestic Battery charges and gets 2 years probation and 30 days of rehab. She tries desperately to convince people that the rehab is for her anger problems, but any suspicions that she may be abusing substances is confirmed when she downs a bucket of shitty wine and cries for help with a noose around her neck.

Death drops the ball on this episode and the paramedics prove they are the cure for Darwinism as Amber survives. Amber then goes to treatment for her “anger,” but not before giving Child Protective Services another reason to rescue her chubby mistake. While in rehab, the therapists decide to teach the woman convicted of Domestic Battery how to properly throw a jab, and mental health professionals across the country shake their collective heads.

I’m not going to say the Teen Mom season teaser at the end of the episode gave me an erection, because that would be weird, but the season teaser at the end of the episode gave me an erection.

Ball Sports Safety to Motorsports Safety: Then and Now

Isoblox - Motorsports Safety

A century ago, safety equipment in sports barely existed. Baseball batters didn’t wear helmets; in fact, in the 1920s, Washington Nationals’ catcher Herold “Muddy” Ruel called them “tools of ignorance,” noted the Society for American Baseball Research. Prior to the 1870s, the glove wasn’t even a part of the game as players would rather have their fingers smashed catching a ball with bare hands than protect them and be called a “sissy.”

From archaic leather headwear of football’s past to the super-savvy Bluetooth motorcycle helmets, technology is shaping the design and functionality of modern sports safety equipment.

Ball Sports: Protective padded caps for pitchers

While you probably haven’t seen one out on the baseball field yet, Major League Baseball recently approved new padded hats aimed at protecting the heads of pitchers, reported ESPN. Previously, pitchers wore standard baseball caps that provided no protection, but because the players can sustain serious head injuries when struck in the head with the ball, the MLB realized it was time for a change.

These new hats are about a half-inch thicker in front and an inch thicker on the sides near the temples. They are able to protect frontal impact locations against line drives up to 90 miles per hour and side impact locations up to 85 miles per hour.

Smart helmet technology

Historians claim the very first helmets were worn in football during the 1893 Army-Navy game. The contraptions were held to the head with three heavy leather straps designed by a harness maker, therefore referred to as a “head-harness.” In the 1920s, more padding was added to reduce impact, and in the ‘30s, the outer shell became harder and more impact-resistant, and a face mask was added soon after.

Motorsports SafetyFast forward to today, and concussions and traumatic brain injuries to football players have been in the headlines frequently in recent years, sparking greater advancement in the way helmets are put together.

One of the most exciting changes is the Riddell Insite Impact Response System, which is able to monitor, record, and transmit the shock of the hit a player sustains on the field. When a player is hit, sensors located in the helmet’s liner are able to measure the impact. If it is outside of an acceptable range, it can then send out a wireless alert which is received by the appropriate personnel who view the information to determine if the player should remain on the field.

Motorsports Safety: High-tech motorcycle helmet protection

The very first motorcycle helmets were developed after the famous British Army officer T.E. Lawrence, known as “Lawrence of Arabia,” suffered head injuries and died following an accident that threw him over the handlebars of his motorcycle. The very first motorcycle helmet is believed to have been half a sliced-open soccer ball that was tied around the rider’s chin with a piece of yarn. In the 1950s, the first fiberglass helmet that covered the back of the head, as well as wrapped around and covered the ears, was developed.

Motorsports safety has come a long way since then. One of the latest advancements in motorcycle helmets, introduced by Skully Helmets, is a full-face helmet with a rear-facing 180-degree camera that allows bikers to see what’s behind them. If the rider is distracted by something that causes the head to turn, the camera will pick up the blind spots. What it sees is then transmitted to a heads-up display which appears in the corner of the rider’s field of vision.

At this time, the Skully Helmet is still in the beta-testing phase, but is expected to be released in 2014.

Can you imagine the injuries and deaths we would see nowadays if we didn’t have better equipment and motorsports safety?